


'Broken.'

by Tavu



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Crying, M/M, Night Terrors, Past Perrie Edwards/Zayn Malik, Past Zayn Malik/Harry Styles, Post-Zayn One Direction, Zayn Malik & Harry Styles Friendship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-10
Updated: 2019-04-10
Packaged: 2020-01-11 02:34:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,168
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18421041
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tavu/pseuds/Tavu
Summary: Harry tries to stop Zayn from leaving, but can he when Zayn's not even there?





	'Broken.'

**Author's Note:**

  * For [dunklenacht310](https://archiveofourown.org/users/dunklenacht310/gifts).



The room is eerily silent, a huge contrast to Harry's heart beating so loud, Harry thinks it'll stop.  
There are fumes of smoke in the room, floating in the room, filtered by the dim moonlight. Harry finds him sitting on the edge of the bed and quietly closes the door.

He carefully steps closer to the bed and whispers, "Zayn?"

Zayn doesn't flinch, he's hugging himself, with his knees pulled to his chest and his arms around himself. Harry sits near him, Zayn reeks of smoke and Harry clenches his fist because he knows why.

Harry looks outside the window at the clouds, dark and still, like them. There was a time when Harry would squint and look at the Sun, to challenge him, to ask him if he sees it too, how bright they all shine, how they glitter among the lights and crowd, how everyone wants them, how everyone craves a piece of them.

It was everything, _that_ feeling, Harry fed off of it, he lived for that feeling.  
But it came in the end, like a slow death, that pulls strings inside his heart and breaks one each day. The lights Harry loved, the crowds Harry got the rush from, the want, the glitter, everything just a black hole, that sucked their souls right at their faces and they let it happen, it took everything they had ,away, piece by piece.

Harry turns to look at Zayn and he stills, because Zayn has a far look on his face, his eyes fixed and his jaw set, but he has tears flowing, streaming down his eyes in a desperate attempt, screaming to be heard.

And no, Harry can't let this happen.

Harry whispers again, his voice shakes with each word, "Babe, you hear me?"

Another tear escapes Zayn's eye, but he doesn't move.

Harry wants to pull and push Zayn, move and shake him, until he gets this look off of his face, until he smiles at Harry, so that Harry can sleep at nights with a thought that _he's_ okay, _Zayn's_ okay, _they're_ okay. But Harry doesn't, he can't, because Zayn looks fragile, like he's cracked every crook and corner of his being, and he'll break if Harry tries. And Harry doesn't know what he'll do if Zayn breaks.

Harry runs his fingers into Zayn's hair, and applies a little pressure, just how Zayn likes.

Zayn told him one day, while they were on the bus and Zayn had his head in Harry's lap and his comic in his hands with a huge grin on his face. Harry pouted at Zayn and huffed out loud but Zayn kept reading with a smirk on his face.  
Harry did it then, he ran his fingers through Zayn's hair and applied a little pressure, and Zayn sighed, a long sigh and Harry did it again, until Zayn's comic was dangling from the couch, forgotten.

Harry tries to remember it, the right way, how he did it, how he does it, and it clicks because Zayn closes his eyes. And Harry's relieved, he does it again and again, until Zayn sighs.

"Why didn't you say anything?"

And as relieved as Harry is because Zayn just talked back to him, he also freezes and retracts his hand from Zayn's hair.

Zayn looks at Harry and Harry looks away because Zayn's eyes shine with a strong emotion and maybe if Harry looked enough, he'd figure it out, but Harry knows it's something _bad_.

"Harry?"

"Zayn, I couldn't. I can't control the decisions they make for us."

"That song was me Harry, it was me! I ripped my insides and let it out, I cried while I fucking scribbled those words out in the middle of the night, and they discarded it like it was nothing, like it wasn't my fucking heart on that piece of paper and you didn't say a word!"

Harry flinches at Zayn's voice, he clenches his fists, pricks his nails deep into his palm, anything to make it hurt more than Zayn's words, more than Zayn's broken voice.

"They made me a cheater and you didn't say a word! They made me a drug addict and you didn't say a word! They made me sing in the middle of the night, again and again and again until I sang what they wanted me to, until I couldn't remember that there's so much my voice can do and you didn't say a word Harry!"

It's true isn't it? Harry never said anything. He looked at it all, happening to Zayn, he saw Zayn breaking, shattering into pieces without a single sound, but then Zayn smiled at him and Harry thought it was okay, _he_ was okay, _Zayn_ was okay, _they_ were okay. Because Harry knew not to dig, he knew it was better to smile at him, dance with him, and make him think it was okay, that it was happening to all of them.  
But it wasn't, was it?

Zayn was bleeding and Harry could see it, he held Zayn tight to stop the trembling of his hands, he grabbed at Zayn, when he saw it lingering in Zayn's eyes, the thought of giving up.  
Harry trembled too, with the thought of not having it all, because he knew he'd just be a weird kid with wild hair without the lights and glitter and crowds.

"I'm sorry Zayn." And Harry refuses to cry, because he cannot break down in front of Zayn, when Zayn's already slipping away like sand and no matter how hard Harry grips him, he slips a little more.

Zayn shakes his head and lets go of his knees, and for a moment Harry thinks he's forgiven, because Zayn's wiping his tears and shaking his head like he can't believe it, can't believe that he's grown to be this person who cries over things in a dark room.

Zayn reaches forward and picks his phone up from his nightstand, he clicks on something and Harry waits for him, anything to have Zayn talk to him.

Zayn gives Harry his phone and Harry looks at him, confused. Zayn's eyes still shine with the same emotion and Harry's heart _stops_ , because he knows this look, it's too familiar now.

Harry panics and shakes his head, but Zayn just nods at his phone. Harry looks at it, Zayn has an article open,

 **Breaking News :**  
_Zayn Malik has left the Band_!

Harry snaps his head up to look at Zayn and Zayn smiles then, at Harry and Harry _screams_ because it's the same smile Zayn gave to their producers when his songs weren't selected, the same smile Zayn directed to the management when they asked him to get engaged, and Harry screams and screams until Zayn stops smiling, and disappears.

Liam has Harry engulfed in his arms when Harry wakes up, he realises his throat hurts and he has tears smearing his cheeks and he's shaking.  
Liam looks at him with those concerned eyes and Harry looks away.

**Author's Note:**

> Thankyouuu for reading xx


End file.
